Have you ever been in debt? I know I certainly am. It is just those ridiculous loans you take out when you need some cash, FAST. But in all reality, they suck. The interest rates are high and most times (like how I am) you can’t afford to make that monthly payment.
I will admit, I have a total of 4 loans out (between me and my husband). Yes, I got married! He has 1, the others are mine. They weren’t taken out for us though. And for whom were they taken out for, you ask. My father and his 22-year-old girlfriend. Ugh! All for us to all move in together and help each other out. However, that did not happen. They moved out and left us with all the loans to pay, the bills, and a house payment that we couldn’t afford. We can’t afford any of it. My father has ruined my life in the past 9 months, has messed up my credit bad, and keeps delaying paying me money to help me pay off those stupid loans.
But enough ranting. I had come up with a plan. A really good, plausible plan. $100 a week allocated between the 4 loan companies. This would allow me to pay over the monthly payment for each and get them paid off sooner. My first weekly payment was due last Friday. I made the payments, then get told by my dad that he couldn’t pay me the money. Uh, WHAT?! He had known about my plan for 2 weeks, 2 WEEKS! As if $100 a week from his paycheck would hurt him. I had thought it would be easier than paying me almost $400 from just one check. But so far, he has made excuses. Like every person does when they are to pay you back.
Excuse number 1: I had that week off from when the baby was born.
Excuse number 2: I had that week off from when I had to fix my truck.
Excuse number 3: I’ve only worked 19 days total since the baby has been born.
Well, I’m sorry. Not my fault that you have a lazy girl for a fiance that can’t work. Not my fault that everytime she freaks out, you abandon your job and go straight home. These are things that can be fixed with a local job that pays decently.
He is supposedly supposed to make all this money every week, but hasn’t. He makes less than we do a month right now. I’m behind on my loans, my bills, etc. I have past due things from the house we all had lived in that he should have helped me pay, but alas, he did not. I pay more in bills than he does. I struggle on a daily basis.
So, struggling. I set a budget for every paycheck we get. Did you know that I don’t even put food into the budget? That I’m 2 weeks from my due date and my future months don’t have the baby in the budget either? I just have bills. I’m lucky to have put gas for our vehicles in the budget. And my dad thinks he is struggling. His “woman” (and I call her this because she is my age, when she is really a girl) gets food stamps. They are able to get food every month. We are lucky if we are able to get food. We make too much money for food stamps, yet we get WIC.
Life, is unknown to us all, and debt is a concept that I wish I had never gotten myself into. I wish my dad had not had me take out loans as soon as I turned 18. I wouldn’t be in this mess now at the age of 22. I would be debt free. I wouldn’t have taken out a credit card in my name. I would have exceptional credit. But of course, life did not go that way for me. Instead I got a father who instructed me to get loans, credit cards, etc. and ruin my credit, my life, my ability to have extra cash for when I want to go out and spend a lovely evening with my husband.
If I had one wish, it would be that I could go back in time to when I found out I was pregnant and tell my father that we do not want to move in with him. Then, we wouldn’t be in this mess with the loans. Then life would be so much more easier. I would have money, I would have less stress. But we can’t always get what we want, not even a simple wish as time travel for one simple purpose of saving ourselves from this giant pit we’ve fallen into. But that’s life.
And life as we know it, is probably not going to get any better. The only thing that is going to make our life better and happier, is our baby. Little Alice Belle. She should be here within the next few weeks, as I am due July 25. I still haven’t dilated yet, no sign of labor, still closed. So, possibility is that I may have her late. I just can’t wait for her to get here, but at the same time, I’m nervous and scared. I’m stressed out because I don’t have all the things that I need. I feel like I’m not ready to be a mother, although my husband tells me I will do great. But we will see when she gets here.
But I am going to leave as I have things to do, people to talk to. Have a good day everyone, and hopefully a better week than I may have.
Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic 