Archive | May 2011

Want, Need, Desire

Want, need, and desire are all similar concepts.  For me I want a need to be desired.  However, life has given me, well, not that.  Yes, I have been desired, but not in the way that I wanted to be desired or needed to be.  It’s funny actually.  You think that you got what you want, need, and, yes, even desire, but that’s not at all what you have.  I’ve never had that with anyone, and I have the odd feeling that I never will.

“I want a man that stands beside me, not in front of or behind me.  Give me two arms that wanna hold me, not own me.  And I’ll give all the love in my heart.  Stand beside me.  Be true don’t tell lies to me.  I’m not looking for a fantasy.  I wanna man that stands beside me…”  Yes, I realize that I just put a nice, whee little quote from JoDee Messina‘s “Stand Beside Me”.  But that is exactly what I want, what I need, what I desire.  But no, life does not have that in store for me.  Unless it happens while I’m on my little vacation back in my home town.

I haven’t been there for 3 years  almost.  And there is this guy.  Oh, I know what you’re thinking.  There is always a guy.  There always has to be.  But there is this guy.  He has been a friend of mine for years and he is the one reading my story and letting me know what to edit, etc.  And I really like this guy.  I have for years, but we have never been able to get in a relationship with each other.  He lives in there and I live here.  We are roughly 4 hours apart from each other.  But maybe he will see his ways and begin a long-distance relationship with me.  But I highly doubt that.  Because apparently long-distance relationships do not work at all.  But a girl can dream, can’t she?

So here it is.  A girl is going to dream the one thing she knows she can’t have:  the guy she really likes, but who lives far away.  She will just see how next weekend goes when she is on her vacation and she is going to let me know, so that I can tell the world for some odd reason.  But that girl is going to dream, and continue to be the hopeless romantic that she is.  Plain and simple.

XOXO

Finals, Story, and Boredom, Oh My!

So, tomorrow is my last final.  The one where no one knows what in the hell is going on in the class.  Cost accounting.  It has to be the most pointless class ever to take in college majoring in accounting.  Oh, so are these entrepreneurship classes that I’m taking online next semester, but those are just so that I can get an easy A and get hours to graduate.  Anyway, cost accounting, pointless.

Where the hell did my remote go?

Oh, sorry.  Anyway, as any of you can tell, I am a BIG procrastinator.  I rarely study and when I do, it’s too much and I end up not doing so well on my test.  So, I’m thinking of just studying in the morning when I get to school at 8, although my final is at 930.

XXX

On the other side of life.  I have finished chapter 1 of my story.  I’ve even got someone who read it, say that it’s really good and I should continue it.  Oh, I am.  Not sure as to how to begin to publish it when it’s done, but I’ll figure that out when I get it finished.  Smashwords seems like a good place to start and publish, but I want books out, not e-books.  Well that would be nice, if I can sell it perhaps.  But, you never know.  Guess we will just see when it happens.

Chapter 2 began actually with some intense drama.  I mean, I pretty much cried while writing it.  And every time I get back to it, I cry.  The whole chapter is a tear-jerker in my opinion.  Plan is for the heroine to go through something drastic that changes her life in this chapter.  I figured the sooner I started it, the better.  Right?  The hero went through his, and he occasionally has flashbacks and has heartbreak still.  Of course, he doesn’t know if he can ever love again.  The heroine isn’t sure if she can even begin to find love and be in a relationship of sorts.  But, most stories are beginning to be that way now-a-days, right?

I want very much to post some excerpts, but I think I will if I decide to publish the book.  Gotta find the perfect publisher for me of course.

XXX

Oh dear Lord! And boredom has struck my life once again.  I’m at that point as to what to do.  I can study, I can write my story, and I can watch movies.  AND I’m doing option 3, while writing on here.  I’m bored and tired.  Probably need some rest.

All I know is that I have to finish chapter 2 and send that off to my friend so he can read it by Friday or Saturday.

XOXO

Finals

Hmm, finals.  Not a really good thing to do.  Studying is something that we should all be doing right now, for those of us who are still in school.  Be it college or high school, etc.  But do most of us actually study?  Me?  No, I don’t.  I should be studying right now but instead I’m watching Easy A.  Good movie, by the way.

Anyway, finals.  I have one tomorrow.  Intermediate Accounting I.  Not looking forward to it.  And I have to get a 93 in order to get an A in the class.  So, that means I should be studying, right?  But I am not, of course.  I will have 3 hours in the morning to do that though if I do not get to it tonight.  Which I probably won’t get around to studying.

College with 3 semesters left and I will have my bachelors! But of course there are about 2 semesters after that to get my masters.  Not sure if I wanna go for it yet, but I probably need to.

Well, I’m signing off for a bit and continue to watch Easy A.

XOXO