Archive | March 2011

Kill Me Now….

I didn’t realize how difficult it was to write on a daily basis. I use to be able to write in a journal daily, I mean hand write everything down. On blogs, people seem to only want to write about interesting things, not things that they have done or seen on a daily basis. Here it’s different than when you grew up writing in a journal.  I kinda wish that I could just write down what I do on a daily basis.  But most people don’t want to read about that. They want to read about sex, drugs, murder, and rock-n-roll! haha. Nah, I suppose not.  They just wanna read about something juicy. I honestly do not know.

Today, I have actually been debating on writing my first novel. I mean, I have a lot of shorts that I’ve written, but I actually want to write my first novel. Maybe see if I can publish it. Get some extra cash. Start my hobby once and for all! Bam! I have this great idea, but I’m not sure as to how to put it into action, writing.  I’ve got my main characters, but I’m thinking of changing them up a bit.

I really like paranormal stuff, not normal. I like the supernatural beings of the world. Vampyres, weres of any kind, faeries, witches, highlanders that travel forward in time, etc.  Girls, you know what I’m talking about! 😉

Well, I’m gonna get off and leave with this thought in mind for those that actually read this:  Write until you can’t write anymore. If you can’t blog, then write in an actual journal. If you want to write a story, who cares if it’s not perfect, write it anyway!




There are things in life that seem to never go how you want them to go.   For me, life is a complicated mess.  I have 2 jobs and go to school full-time.  On top of that I may be an officer for the accounting club that I’m in.  Because of this complication in my life, I have been off of here for quite some time and unable to write.  I know a few good writers who wrote to me telling me that in order to be a good writer, just write everyday.  I’ve tried, and it is quite difficult to do.  So, here I am, attempting to write everyday.

The other day, we had Rent-a-Center come by and take our fridge and living room furniture.  Now, I sit on the floor on a daily basis, every night.  Times are getting worse for me and my dad.  We have this problem where it’s difficult to pay bills, so I have to constantly renew my loans in order to pay bills.  Our rent is way too expensive in my opinion. And things just keep spiraling down that deep dark hole of life.  So what is one supposed to do?  On a daily basis I am looking for a two bedroom house that will allow pets, but 9 times out of 10 they aren’t allowed.

I feel so alone in this big house.  It’s empty and bare.  It doesn’t even feel like a home anymore.  It’s simply a place that I stay at these days.  There are days that I even feel like crying.  Some days I do cry, the tears flow down my cheeks with all the bad leaving with them.  But then the bad things just come right back and therefore, I have to cry again.  I just feel so alone.  I hate having this feeling.

There are days that I regret breaking up with my ex.  It wasn’t just because of his stupidity or anything, but I don’t know.  There are days where I miss him, miss the times of just hanging out and watching TV and cuddling.  He made me feel happy, special.  Valentine’s Day would have been a first with a boyfriend, but I chose to break it off with him, before things got anymore serious than they already were.  I admit, I was scared.  So instead of following that feeling, I ran away from it, not learning and improving it.  Why are there feelings like that?  I want happiness, I want what I read about on a daily basis.  However, we all know those are just fairy tales, so to speak.

I’m scared that the end of humanity is knocking at our doors.  That I will die alone without someone here with me.  And my father doesn’t count, because I know that he will always be there with me, until the end.  I want someone special to be with me.  Do you know how hard it is to find someone like that?  It’s very difficult.  Love just does not exist.  I know this because of the relationships I have seen my dad in.  It’s all pretend with most.  They don’t ever love truly.  Love is a myth, a fairytale, something only in the movies and books.

So on that note, I shall leave my readers–if there are any–something to think about:  Do you believe in love?  Do you believe that life will get better?  Are you afraid of being alone when the so-called end gets here?  You all know my answers on these.


Gemini Horoscope, 06 March 2011

Love is in the air for Gemini folks who are looking for “the one.” While fate does play a role in many things in life, you still have to meet it halfway, and then you have to take the ball and run with it. If you are feeling ready for such an important step, then you need to get out and about, and be open to any introductions, blind dates, or any other realistic means of meeting someone special. For those who are already in committed relationships, this could be an excellent time to repair any conflicts, or to build a closer, more intimate, more satisfying union.